little sister
For the past 7 months that I have known cashier ‘Jane’ at the store our relationship has been unusual. We have a hard time being nice to one another and I could not quite figure it out. She would be hard on me because of my age but she was never mean. I on the hand could be mean and sometimes brutal honesty with one another seemed to hang in the air. Today I figured out what it was by mistake or by listening deeper than normal to her tone of voice and judging her body movements. What we speak is only 10 percent of our communication skills, the other 90 percent is how we actually feel towards the people in our lives, whether that is good or bad, that is the way things are. “I feel like if I ask you for something you will hold it over me forever, so I never ask you to do anything or help me on anything,” she said to me last week. I took that statement as being self evident that she is uneasy and at times unable to be seen as weaker than me especially on an intelligence level. She is always listening to me but with a ‘wicked ear’ to catch me if I slip up or to reassure me that I was wrong. We are especially divided on body issues, she is insanely paranoid about how much better my body is than hers is. We have had more verbal clashes at the store than I can remember and at the same time we do like each other. She talks to me about her hair, shoes, legs, and how she is feeling in manner in which she wants me to care about her (she does not talk to the other workers in the same tone of voice or about the same subjects to our other co-workers). I don’t know how else to explain that odd sensation when we work together. Anyhow, my big breakthrough came when she wanted that ice tea two weeks ago but did not have the money to buy it. She gets that way sometimes, she craves things like a child, it is very cute, but she would not ask me for it. To this point she would not let me help her even to carry heavy things around the store for her or even help her with locks. Then we reached the understanding with the tea she wanted that I would help her with anything without judgment or even being asked to. Last Friday she told me she needed a case for her cell phone and that is the strange difference between men and women. Women want you to sympathize with them when they want something and men are better problem solvers at getting things they want – hence sex. Today I handed her my gift card I won and told her I wanted her to have it because she could use the money she saves to buy her phone case. I had known it for a long time but I treat her like my bratty little sister. Some days I tell her she is pretty and other days I cannot stop making fun of her for looking ugly (or having big feet). She is acutely aware of her physical shortcoming and often comments about her thighs. For her being pretty is not possible and make-up is what she tells me is her only hobby in life. She is a sweet girl by far but she does have her days when she can be a pain in the ass to me, she loves tormenting me as much as I do her and I think that is why we get along.
Via Wikipedia:
Frotteurism refers to a paraphilic interest in rubbing, usually one’s pelvis or erect penis, against a non-consenting person for sexual gratification. It may involve touching any part of the body including the genital area. A person who practices frotteurism is known as a frotteur. The majority of frotteurs are male and the majority of victims are female,[1] although female on male, female on female, and male on male frotteurs exist. Adult on child frotteurism can be an early stage in child sexual abuse.[2] This activity is often done in circumstances where the victim cannot easily respond, in a public place such as a crowded train or concert.
Today while we were all bagging and the cashiers had those registers humming, a strange topic came up about a guy who used to work there. Apparently he liked to touch the bag boys in a sexually uncomfortable ways, which shocked me because he still comes into the store on a regular basis. From what my co-workers said about the guy he has a mild case of ‘frotteur’. I enjoyed the startled look on my co-workers faces as I talked about the sexual disorder because like me, I had lived my whole life never having heard of it, but as soon as I heard the symptoms it jumped back into my memory like cat going out I third floor window. It is odd how certain facts remain active inside your brain long after the course material has been studied and tested. When asked how it was spelled I left out the ‘u’ and called it frotter. I tried to look it up on google but without the u in the word it was not coming up. Apparently it is not a term in common usage in the English language because I think it mainly happens in Japan. That does not mean that it does happen here but its not reported with the proper name, at least that is what I believe. Girls must be touched in ways in public that makes them seem uncomfortable and I will admit that I have been on the bus a few times when the passenger next to me had to be told to move over.
…….
10:30am
When your brain is programmed to get out of bed at noon, it almost seems unreal to wake up any earlier than the regular time. Today like yesterday work would be the culprit to get me out of bed early. I slid out of bed with all the easiness of going down a slide lined with sandpaper. It took me 7 minutes to get ready to go into the garage to work out and get this week’s first load of laundry into the washer. I made myself proud on the weight bench today.
WOD
Flat bench press superset arms to side biceps curls
Dumbbell chest presses inverted superset 135 pound barbell biceps curls
Flye superset isolation dumbbell biceps curls
Bench triceps extensions superset seated calf raises
I have not been able to reach the same weight lifts on the bench press ever since I left the university gym back in January because the garage bench press is not shaped the same way. The gym’s bench presses are the industry normal and what I have is much more ‘home’ version. The motion to raise the bar is enough to throw off my muscles and I cannot get a spotter to help me lift it if I fail. These two factors have kept my bench press at about 10-15% lower than what I thought I could actually lift. Today for the first time in 9 months I went back up to bench press just over 290 pounds. I was scared that I would not be able to lift it off my chest but I put fear aside and unracked it. I felt the enormous weight come down and touch my chest and I strained to lift it back up to the top and I was not going to chance it, I knew a second rep would be suicide. I was just so happy with my progress since January because I am so skinny it is unreal, I look at myself in the mirror and all my body fat is gone, I am like bone version of my former self. And I am eating more than I have in my whole life, I eat like a pig at the store. I never go to the bakery without looking for what is around.
1pm
I arrived at work and the first thing I did was towel off my face from the heavy sweat. I got myself a sports drink and I sat in the break room. One of the baggers that is not well liked tried to talk to me about arrows and I did my best to ignore him. He is an annoying jerk that is classic teenager intelligence, dumb as box of rocks.
5:15pm
I had done as much damage as I could in retail and it was time to head out. I cannot say I did much today out of the ordinary, I made a lot of jokes and worked as little as possible. The heat was intense but pushing the carts back into the start can be fun sometimes. Anything is better than standing around bagging groceries for rude customers. I did talk to one lady that treated me like a ‘valid’ about her day care she runs. The main topic of conversation was evil parents raising the next generation of prison inmates. For a lot of children their future ends with parents that should not have had children in the first place, parents who cannot stand their kids touching them or being around. I have read that Hemingway was difficult on his children because I could not imagine having small children around while trying to write classic titles like The Old Man and the Sea. The imagery he used in the book was enchanting especially the colors he saw in the water as he reeled in that giant sword fish.
That is all I have time for tonight and I told Jane today that she is a character in this blog and she blushed. She found it odd and flattering that I would talk about her and the store in my writings. The store is a part of my life now because I spend so much of my time there. I can walk through the store with my eyes closed and be able to predict easily how the crowds are going to be. The only thing I don’t understand is where the shopping carts are hiding when they are not in the parking lot and not in the store. That is real mystery to me.
Fin
