I don’t know how to explain the way things are with Jane the cashier. Today I thought it would be better to ignore her and not let on that I wanted to chat with her. After an exchange of upset words that ended with “you need to bag with your brain on”, I felt insulted and moved to another lane to bag. There were no other baggers working at this hour meaning she was left with no one to help her. “So you would rather watch me struggle on these big orders and do nothing rather than helping,” she said. I just nodded my head and continued to wait for me my next order. She gave me that ‘stare’ of contempt and again I was her willing slave. A few orders later we were both talking to a customer about my frown today, “with a face like that who could smile,” I said to Jane. I don’t know if she was insulted or frustrated with me but we did not talk about it, she just kept on her cheery grin. I went outside to push the carts again for a long while and when I returned I asked her about my comment earlier about her face making me frown. “Unless you were really pointing at your heart when you said that, I don’t believe you, you lied to me,” Jane said. I think this was the most awkward moment of the day, knowing full well that she is aware that I have some sort of feelings for her. Before I left for the day I talked to the cashier that was working the self-scan machines. She told me that she had a dream about me last night in which she had to give a speech at my funeral. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my co-workers think enough of me to be in their dreams. Then I asked her about Jane and I. “The two of you love to insult each other and I can tell you guys really like each other in the none romantic sense,” she said. I don’t know if I have done too much in the past six months to prove to Jane that I ‘like’ her more than a cashier. And for no good reason I brought her cookies after she asked me about what she should eat for lunch.
When I look at Jane I cannot get past the fact that she is only 23 years old, Her tiny chest, deep brown eyes, and pale skin. Her long thin fingers and that bubble butt. When I read my books my imagination uses her image to be the generic characters in my mind and at the same time I feel like it’s wrong of me to think of her as anything better than my co-workers which I don’t like. Jane is much nicer to all the other baggers and when we are together we have spicy topics. “Remember how you told me the moon is red?” “Yes, but I did mean that the moon is always red, I meant it as a sometimes thing but you wont stop beating me over the head with that comment,” I said to her today. If I had known six months ago that we would still be co-workers now I think there would be a lot of things that I would have done differently. I have let her treat me like her ‘pretend pet’ and I have always brought her treats. I wish I could be blunt with you guys about the way I don’t want to feel. When I read Jane the comment that the anonymous left on my tumblr the other day Jane screamed when she heard the words ‘exasperate her own insecurities’ which is exactly what I did to her today. I tried to tell her that her appearance made me frown and she did not buy it. I tried for the life of me to ignore her when she first arrived but she would not allow that to happen. I got to watch her squirm when the mentally handicapped bagger was trying to grope her.
Most people would be very content to get 9 hours of sleep but when my alarm went off this morning I was less than thrilled to get out of bed. I prefer noon, its just a great time to roll out of bed and that is the time I going to sleep till tomorrow! Anyhow, I am obsessive about my weight training so after just six minutes of being up, I was lifting weights in the garage while my uniform was washing.
Single arm front shoulder press superset concentration curls
Single arm shoulder press superset barbell biceps curls @ 135 pounds
Bent over lateral raises superset hammer curls
Triceps extensions superset standing calf raises
I started lunch by placing the ground pork in the pan and letting it simmer for a few minutes. While the meat cooked I made myself busy cleaning the kitchen and doing calf raises while holding the counter top. I had never had ground meat other than beef before and my tacos today tasted a little more greasy than usual. I am having the same thing tomorrow but I bought some taco seasoning packets tonight.
After loading the dryer and finishing cleaning the kitchen I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. I did not have time for my whole ritual because I needed another 15 minutes to complete the shaving part so I just sat on the toilet and popped random pimples which had formed in the night. I keep using that generic pimple cream because I get a ten percent discount but it does not work like the name brand. For my anonymous I will say that my poops are more normal now. I had a spawn of very symmetrical brownies in the bowl this morning.
I walked into the grocery store with 7 minutes before I had to clock in and it was insane busy. There were no baggers accept the mentally handicapped ones that are useless. The corporation only uses them on weekday mornings for a few hours but cannot discriminate against them on holidays and other high traffic special days. Today was high traffic day and I felt sorry for the other departments because they were now the baggers for the hour. I tried to slide into one of the express lanes that don’t usually have baggers but a manager caught me before I could even get warmed up. To the parking lot to get the carts inside the store because the low functioning baggers wont collect the carts or at best don’t do a good job of it. I stayed outside for nearly an hour before I could fill the stacks inside. It would still be several hours before anyone else would show up.
I had to clock out of my own shift and I had to wait for the next shift I was covering to begin to go back on the clock. While I waited the 30 minutes I took off my uniform and went to harass the girls in the bakery. I got Jane some cookies and sat in the break room chatting with some of the day stockers. I got back to the time clock late because I was too busy talking.
I ran into ‘Jane’ the personal training from the university right before my shift ended in the parking lot. I have seen her more often at the grocery store than any other person. And she is a sweetie pie with super low self-esteem. Most of you girls would kill to look like her too. She is blonde, blue eyed, lean, muscles, and a fitness instructor on the side. Her outfit today was impeccable and she is perfectly tan skin to match, she is something you would expect to see in a fitness magazine. We talked a little bit about her clothes and she got really embarrassed by it so I finally let her off the hook. She walked away on what felt like at least for me, little puffs of clouds, the way an angel would move on earth.
That is how I spent my day.
Anonymous girl who has been posting comment to all my posts please tell me who you are. You must be pretty crazy girl to be reading the diary of a man that has no business being alive now. AND THAT SPENDS TO MUCH TIME LOOKING AT HIS OWN FECES.