I knew I was getting sick the last few days because one of my co-workers had been sneezing around me and he obviously should not have been there. I woke up soaked in sweat and I laid in bed in terrible shape. I knew I was not going to be able to work out and that meant that regular work was questionable.
I crawled out of bed and went to the kitchen to make lunch, I was not hungry, but I had to follow the routine. I figured maybe if I put something into my stomach I might be able to get a mini-work out. I ate but the energy never came and I sat at my computer and checked on my stupid student loans. Its now three weeks into the semester and I am still waiting for them.
The never ending nightmare of student loan forms had frustrated and agitated the hell out of me! I could not believe they wanted more forms to accept my money, it’s like mindless endless cycle of despair. And I opened the front door to leave for work and it was raining. When I got to the grocery store I was still feverish and soaked to the bone. “I cannot push the carts in the rain because I am too sick,” I told my manager. She didn’t even bat an eye at me and I biked to campus.
I almost lost my shit again when the student loan office told me I needed to submit more forms and I put my head down and went home to get the form I left on the floor. I did not think I was going to be doing this today and I did not think. I stopped at the computer lab to make more copies and do more online advising training, a total joke if you ask me. All I did is answer ‘true’ to all the questions and did not read any of the material. I think I have been asked 100 times if I know I have to pay back my student loans whether I graduate or not. It made me wonder if the 1 trillion dollars of nation student debt is mostly caused by college drop outs?
I sat the transit center waiting for the shuttle home because I was starting to see little stars around my head. My fever was starting to make me hallucinate and that is never good. When the shuttle finally came I could not figure out how to put my bike on the rack, something I have done 1000s of times. I sat in the back of the bus and waited till it took me all the way home.
I looked at the schedule at the bus stop and it said the next one would not arrive for another twenty minutes so I went home. I was not sure what to do other than watch television. I have learned that day time television caters to the dim witted audiences.
I did the wrong forms and the student loan department turned me away but not without my making a public scene! “All I have done all fucking summer long is do forms, it’s the third week of the fucking semester and I cannot get a dime out of you people,” I roared. I felt stupid after that and I left via the backdoor. I went back to the computer lab looked for what they told me to do and I could not find it because the names don’t match. I finally just clicked on something that looked similar and took it back to the student loan department and put it in their drop off box. I also updated my direct deposit information on the website. My credit union account has been negative for 3 years, I hope it still works.
I had not seen the old martial arts professor since he bid me good luck in January. He is a man that travels the world and in my opinion might be the most interesting man in the world. I knocked at his door but did not get an answer right away. A few seconds later the dean of his department walked by me and said, “the old guy might be sleeping in there.” As she said that the door opened and he smiled royally at me. “I got your e-mails this summer but I am swamped. I also just got back from visiting my family in Italy and I am teaching at Stanford on Thursday,” he said. He kept looking at his watch but I was there to speak one intellectual to another on only one subject cultural change in society. I started the conversation with Noam Chomsky and I asked him why it had taken me so long to hear about this great man. The conversation from there rattled on for an hour and I stood my ground on a lot deep topics involving social movements to reasonable change.
“Oh shit I was supposed to teach a class at 4:30pm, you must excuse me, I have to run,” he said. The old man is still wise beyond his years but his body at 80 years old is letting him down. At one point in the conversation he said the most eerie thing to me, “I think I am in the autumn or even early winter of my life now because my body is starting to fall apart on me.” I don’t know how this statement felt in my stomach or i to would someday share his outlook on life. I am aspiring to be an over educated professor someday soon and his life has all but finished blossoming. The way things look for me I am going to be the exact the same age when I get my Ph.d and I wonder how I will reflect back on this wicked life of mine.
How I live to watch fitspo girls and there was one across from me on the shuttle ride home. She had on traditional athletic gear, head ban, jersey, short shorts, and a glossy tan. I can admire these types of girls like you do fine art pieces because there too perfect for their own good. The way her blonde bun seemed to catch the final tickles of the sun’s rays reflected back at me the way water does with a silky texture. I think might have fallen in love a few times and not even known it.
Highlight of the day
I saw Jane the personal trainer coming into the student union in her gym clothes and she asked me to come visit her at the student recreation complex. Her eyes glowed blue like I have never seen before. I have spoken with her a few times a week all summer at the grocery store. There is not a man that doesn’t notice her because she is beautiful and my co-workers find it alluring that I know her. She has the eyes from the movie Dune where the local peoples’ eat the ‘spice’ and it cause an unnatural radiance.
Sorry about not writing recently but school, work, and now illness is too much for me.